Intergalactic ★

My Life is just to great now :)

2010-07-18T22:47:00.002+08:00

New course, same college, different location. Man, I never knew the people from Subang are so much different - in a good way. Shit, they're like different people. It's just awesome, I feel so alive there, no more pressure from the people and teachers around hartamas campus. They're like my friends in austria. They smoke, drink, go clubbing & listen to the same shit of music then me :) For the first time since all my good friends left to germany I feel fucking happy.

Even things with my girlfriend changed. I am not jealous if she hangs out with guys, I trust her now. I keep thinking, "if she would do something with another guy, what can I do" I mean, honestly, what can I do? If she'd think its right for her, then it probably will be FOR HER. I hope she wont that's why I trust her. Never mind that now. I mean CPU is so fucking great, the teachers, the atmosphere there. People from IB said that the teachers are like their friends, it wasn't for me like that, I still felt that they are my teachers and far away for being my friends. But now here in CPU, I do feel they're like my friends. Might be cause they're so young (& white?) haha. I'm not being racist, the thing is just, I haven't had REAL white teachers since 6 years now. The last white teachers I head were some fucked up germans which I don't count as real teachers.

At this point in my life, I love life. It's great. I miss my girlfriend tho, can't see her too often. But she has a lot to do so I don't really want to disturb her in asking if I can come ova.

And one great thing, I'm going to austria, in about 5 months :D which is great cause I haven't been since 6 months now :) Then they're gonna color my hair in all colors including pink :P

And the best thing of all, my cousin is coming for the first time :D It's gonna be fucking hilarious. Gotta find him a 1 month girlfriend xD probably my sisters desperate friend haha. Dunno. That's probably my update from all the weeks (or was it months?) I didn't update. I just have some times where I'm too lazy or just don't want to update it. so yeah :)

Intergalactic .

My own little world of imagination.

2010-06-07T22:43:00.004+08:00

Did you ever had this intense feeling of wanting one thing to happen, which you have been waiting for, for such a long time? But before letting that thing happen you have to achieve a certain goal, which you think at first "Ah, fuck it" but then when you actually let yourself fail, to get the thing you are waiting for faster the feeling of wanting this thing so bad gets less and less. And then it reaches a certain point where you are not sure about that thing anymore and you want to manage to achieve your goals but it's to late already. You have waited for this one day to happen for such a long time, but you have failed now in achieving your goals, which will be reflected over the next few months. It does not feel right at all.

I'm feeling and that feeling now because I disappointed people and disappointed myself. It's like I failed being me. And the worst part is, telling that people, they make you feel better which you can't take. But then there are people who want to change that habit of yours and that's the thing you were scared of the most. That'd be the last possible thing which you ever wanted to happen.

They will just move you somewhere else, hoping you will cope with the new situation more. But you are there, helpless, knowing you won't survive, knowing you won't find friends there because you believe the best friends you had were back in the old place. People tend to say they know me, and I can proudly say of myself, they don't know me at all. They don't know how I work, what I could really do. They don't know me. It's just a mask I put on each day, which I'm used to wear everyday when I see familiar faces. But then as I reach home, where there are no more faces, I put down that mask, and can finally be myself with no one judging me.

& I'm not saying I'm a bad person when I'm only with myself. I have my issues I have to cope with, or which no one can heal, or I believe no one can. I don't want anyone to know so I hide them, effectively - They are not really diseases, but I call them so, because thats what I think I can do. I have small issues which I see as huge issues, and probably if I'd tell people they would laugh because it would be nothing to them It'd be completely normal to them, but to me it's a big thing, and that's why I don't share my issues. Im too scared to not be accepted, I'm scared to be mocked, I'm scared to be excluded or may be treated like only a 'friend' whom you talk to if you need something.

And that is why I put on my mask. This mask has overtaken my whole way of living by now. I'm not that different when I put it off, it's just my tiny huge issues who keep stopping me from throwing that mask away.

People might think I have mental issues, after you'll read this blog. But I don't, it's just what I believe in. Don't you all have your own little secrets and issues? Some of you still play with soft toys or Lego, some of you like to sing infront of the mirror or some. It may be embarrassing for you, so is it for me, that is another reason why I don't show it. I have my own little world when I'm with myself, and I don't want my world get destroyed. I love my imagination because it allows me to be free.

27.5.2010

2010-05-27T23:41:00.003+08:00

Somehow you remind me of mr.bean

I mean, he loves his teddy

so do you love your teddies

Not just that. Also, he loves nature and animal-nature shows - just like you.

There's also a song you remind me of,

Solo by Iyaz.

Can you still remember, not long ago you showed me the song and I completely disliked it?

But now, everytime I hear it, I enjoy listen to it, because it has so much memories in it.

If you ever fall down - you know I'm there to help you get up on your feet again.

I Love my best friend. :)

:)

2010-05-24T10:48:00.002+08:00

This week, wednesday my parents are coming back after three weeks of austria :D

First of all, they're going to bring me a lot of austrian chocolate :P and then two cartons of cigaretts,

Well, one carton is for my friend, the other carton they will keep, but they will give me one pack each week. So its fine, at least I dont have to spend my lunch money to buy cigs.

And then, also on wednesday when my parents are not too tired, my dad and I are going to buy a new laptop for me :D :D

Oh well and exams are in like two weeks, haven't studied at all - fuck..

Oh whatever, there's no point anyway since I'm losing anyway - yes I know I think negative.

Best of best.

2010-05-19T00:59:00.006+08:00

I know you since my childhood. I mean we're best friends since 14 years now. That's a long time. You're not like these other "best friends" I had, who left me because I changed. You stayed there, for me. You'll always stay there with me. Our teamwork is fucked up but still the best of the best. I love you & I always will because you're my best friend. I can do every kind of shit with you. If you're not allowed from the "annoying gabi" xD , do you care? what the fuck, of course you don't care. You are the most fucked up person I know. The bestestes thing about you is, you don't walk with the crowd, still stay with me. We're exactly the same eventhough we are totally different. We've had a lot of fights, but that didn't changed our friendship. And wherever I go, you go. Whatever I need, you'll give me. Whatever you need I'll give you. We share our money, eventhough we never have. You're fucking funny, a man-whore, a "only when nikolai's in austria smoker", a alcoholic (not really, but yes he is), just weird and fucked up. You act like the most stupid cunt face but still everyone likes you, no sorry LOVES you. I just love you more than I'll love anyone! O.S.I.M.F.L, Outlaw Scumfuc Is My Life! GG-Allin lover :D | Sandro Festini <3

Lee you motherfucking asshole :D I love you man. You two are my best friends! Because? Now pay attention, Lee, you're the chinese sandro, exactly the same than sandro. Even same hair (yes I've touched your hair, more than once :P). When I first saw you, at sunburst '09 I was like, wtf does that small china man want from me!? but then, i saw you're not even one of those lala's. You hate 'em :D who doesn't? Oh well you're just awesome. Drinking like a fucker. doing shit. Still remember June '09 with delf n all? fucking awesome uhhh, I miss that time. The best thing, my parents like you, i think almost as a son haha, they like you most of my friends because you're like sandro, but also more important, you're nice, funny and extremely polite. aaand you're fucking perverted, always wanting to have a white girl. And now you're after Sideshow bob, which is disgusting but well you like it :) I swear I have the bestest friends a guy like me can have. If I would be gay, I'd date you and sandro at the both time - threesome yeaah! :D . And I know I havent been there for you lately, kinda ignored you too, and I'm sorry for that because now I realize that you're one of the most important persons in my life and I love you! You always, always, always help me, eventhough it's so poop boring for you, you just want the best for me I guess. I love you too man.

2010-05-18T23:26:00.003+08:00

The way I used to live?

The scene I used to live in?

You may not think I could be capable,

not now, not here,

But I am, there.

Violence, alcohol, anti-social, vandalism, riot!

That was the way I was living.

The way I love life more,

The way I'm comfortable with,

The way I love.

The way I truly am.

I'm not as brutal as that,

I used to break laws,

I didn't care.

I'm not as "hardcore" as my friends.

I'm more cautious.

The only thing I do is having fun in live

I don't really care about education,

I like to drink with my friends,

Just to have fun, in this way, my own way.

My way of living.

I know many people think I'm a criminal or I'm a bad influence or,

I'm bad.

But I'm not, not at all. I might do all these things.

But I'm nice, I always used to be nice to other people.

I'm too nice, I share.

I would share even if I would have nothing.

Sometimes I'm greedy - rarely. But isn't that everyone sometime?

It's the way I will go,

The way I aborted to see if I can make something better out of me.

& I found myself again.

I will continue this way.

It's a way of living.

And I don't care if people don't like it.

do I care what other people think about me?

No.

Eventhough I used to live this life, I was still somehow the same guy than I am now. I'll always be.

Punks ARE dead, we are not!

2010-05-18T18:57:00.002+08:00

The scene, the scene

it's calling me once again.

Maybe once and for all?

I don't know.

I can't live this scene here. Not possible.

But i can live it there, there it is possible.

Meine schöne neue Welt!

You'll probably will never understand me, how I feel about it.

That I like this, that this was my life. and I loved it!

But I cannot live it here. No one here feels the same way than people do there.

I'll always be a part of it!

& Everyone who has been in it will!

The memories are unforgettable.

Oi! Oi! Oi!

Fully changed.

2010-05-18T18:00:00.003+08:00

So we're cool now.

I'm happy about that.

Really happy!

You made me a promise :)

So i can turn over my life now.

Now, i realize what I've done with myself.

How emo i was.

I didn't see that.

I guess now I'm okay :)

& I'm fully changed now.

Changing.

2010-05-17T01:17:00.002+08:00

Can you still remember how i was before?

so violent, radical and never cared about how others felt?

The only thing I did was vandalizing, treating people as if they're shit, treating me as if I was the king of all. Didn't even care about my health, smoking like a fuck, drinking alcohol as if it is water, partying all night long - everyday.

But well, you changed me - a lot. I'm a better person. You're the reason why I changed. and maybe that's what I get for all the trouble I've caused to others.

I may not be the perfect guy, or the best student, or the best son.

But I changed into good, because of her, because of that one girl!

and I fell in love with this girl. She stole my heart.

I'm crazy about her. Everyday. Still.

Now that she isn't there anymore,

I'm on the way to change for bad. and may be forever.

Because I did everything for her, only to make her happy.

I wanted to be perfect for her.

I can say, she was like a drug for me.

I mean, don't you all feel like a junkie without his drugs when the one person you need isn't there anymore. You want her so bad, but you just cant have it.

and you're consuming all the bad things to make yourself happy, not realizing that you change,

and that your life is going down the river.

No you just cant realize, even though people tell you, you just wont believe it.

I think by drinking alcohol, smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day I would feel better.

But no I don't, I feel worse.

The thing which helps the most when I'm in college. I've my friends.

They distract me from all that.

So yea I think love is like drugs.

Never mind.

2010-05-17T01:03:00.002+08:00

It may not mean nothing to y'all !

but it does to me.

I understand nothing was ever done for me.

& I don't understand what you want from me so,

Never mind. Just never mind

∞

× Moving on ?

2010-05-17T00:46:00.003+08:00

Sometimes in life people have to move on.
Do I have to move on just because people "do" it?
Do I have to be one of those stereotype people?
Do I have to move with the crowd?
Do I have to forget you? Do I have to forget the time with you?

Isn't that everyone's own decision?
I think so! So people, please,
don't tell me what's right for me. Just let me live my life.

And no I will not move on. I will let it happen itself.
Whatever there will come.
But I'm just not ready to move on now.

& only a retard must be crazy enough to let a girl like you go!

16.5.2010

2010-05-16T18:16:00.002+08:00

You told me, that you love me.
But you can't be with me.
You can't be with me because you feel bad,
when you won't talk to me
for these two weeks.

I told you,
I don't care, and it's fine with me
but you don't want to listen.
You don't care how much I love you,
how much I need you
that I would do everything for you.
No, you don't understand.

or, you don't want to understand.
I guess that's what it is.
You can't stand it,
seeing me with other girls,
talking to them,
or even seeing me being happy,

So. I ask you,
What do you want from me?
If you want me then get me back,
but apparently you ain't doing anything.
You don't want me to fall in love with that other girl.
But you don't want to be with me either.
Well, I'm sorry but, you can't play with me no more.
I wish you'd never broke up.

You know, it's you who can change all that.
You told me, you want me back.
But you can't. and I dont get it.

I just don't get it.
I'm sorry.

.

2010-05-15T22:03:00.001+08:00

You used to be there for you when i needed a hug,
but you are not there anymore.
I've no one left anymore.

15.5.2010

2010-05-15T16:30:00.001+08:00

It hurts but I never show,
this pain you'll never know,
it's the way i have to go
but I'm almost through!

If only you could see
just how lonely
and how cold I've become.
My back's against the wall.

Hop up in my space ship and we'll leave earth!

Friends.

2010-02-24T12:48:00.004+08:00

My Friends & I love 'em all!

Loco Toxico

2009-10-01T00:49:00.002+08:00

L o c o T o x i c o .

The men in white said everything is cool, and if you don't trust us you're a fool. In our laboratories we know all the tricks but i know that they don't know a shit. A laboratory blasted in a boring little town and the wind brought the cloud of loco Toxico, the smell of death was in the air and there was nothing we could do and now we're infected and soon you will be too.Have a nice day, it might be your last, have a nice day, can't escape the gas, have a nice day, it might be your last. Loco Toxico is in the air and we're gonna get sick of it. Loco Toxico is in the air and they don't give a shit.And now the time is right, stores and restaurants are empty emergency horns blast throughout the cities the mosquito carries the germs from host to host and slowly the world sinks into it's knees.

Outlaw Scumfuc

2009-09-26T15:21:00.000+08:00

My dear best friend Outlaw Scumfuc, you are the best friend a human can have. it is incredible with you. Drinking beer. Beating up little emo kids :), whole day drunk, listen to good music, beating up police. haha it is so fun. it sucks that i stay in malaysia and that i can only come at Christmas and Summertime. Please stay always with me, doesn't matter what will happen.

Outlaw Scumfuc & Scumfuc Cramp
Sandro & Nikolai

The last past 13 years of friendship were awesome, we had bad times and awesome times :D. But since we cam into these new kind of group, it is beeing a more awesome friendship, drinking, everyday drinking.
13 years of friendship thank you. I Love you <3

Speak No Evil Baby

2009-09-26T05:29:00.000+08:00

We all lived in a small town
In a tumble-down shed
Mumma, she was a good-good woman
Worked so hard
Worked her fingers to the bones
Bring us kids up on her own
She said - you'll see it, you'll hear it
Baby don't speak no evil, baby don't speak no evil

Papa, he was a good-good man
And he worked so hard
He said, you see it and you hear it
Baby don't speak no evil, baby don't speak no evil
Baby don't speak no evil, that's what he said

So they put us through schoo-ool
And kept us clothed and fed
We went swimmin' in summer
Rememberin' what mama said
Then we moved into town
Saw those people messin' around
She said - you see it and you hear it
Baby don't speak no evil, my baby don't speak no evil

The Army of the...

2009-09-26T04:41:00.000+08:00

War is overdue
The time has come for you
To shoot your leaders down
Join forces underground
Lose control
In increasing pace
Wantonly waste
Intention erased
Whatever they say
These people are torn
Wild and bereft